Julia gives birth to Evan

They come in waves. Waves that pick me up and smash me against the rocks. Again and again and again and again.

I’m told to breathe. I’m told everything is fine. I’m told I’m doing a great job. Maybe this is true. It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t help.

I can feel the next wave coming. A blunt knife stabs me in my lower back. Twists. The knife sharpens as the wave comes closer. A wound the radiates through my body. I have no choice but to breathe. I hear them saying to breathe. I do.

I try at least. The agony and exhaustion. I can’t think. There is only now.

The wave subsides. But another one will come. Stronger. Longer. When will it be over. When will it be over. When will it be over.

I can’t handle the next wave. It’s too much. I’m too tired.

Then I’m pushing. Doesn’t feel like I’d imagined. Shitting a watermelon. Yes. And everything that comes with that. The pressue. The impossibility. The tearing.

I’m told when to push and when to wait. I don’t want to wait. I want it to be over.

Head. Shoulders. The rest. He’s here. Finally. I hear him crying. Give him to me. My heart sings as he lays on my chest. I watch him as he searches for my nipple. Dan has tears in his eyes.

Hello Evan. I love you.